“… You’ll have to forgive my awe and excitement over the variety now available in the produce isle.  With the range of colors, shapes and sizes, it’s like the bra and panty section in department stores.  Vegetables like carrots and broccoli and peas are the equivalent to granny panties- familiar, comfortable, and easy to put on (the table).  Artichokes and eggplant and fennel?  More like silky lingerie- I eat/wear them often but not so much that they become uninteresting.  Then there are the more exotic vegetables- kohlrabi, bok-choy, and mustard greens- that are kind of the like Swavorski bedazzled bra and thongs only available at the Victoria’s Secret runway show.  Pull those out on rare, rare occasions and wow someone with your ability to rock his world.” – Jenny McCarthy

I just finished listening to Jenny’s very fun “Stirring The Pot” memoir in the car, which was read by Jenny.  

Note to Road Warriors and Runners: Audio books are game changers.  And, autobiographies and memoirs always are more captivating when they are read by the author… for more information, listen to Tina Fey in “Bossypants” and Elizabeth Smart’s “My Story.”

But, this quote about Jenny’s affinity for vegetables in “Stirring the Pot” really made me laugh.

Out loud.

In my car.

Alone….

It’s fine.

She makes a good point, right?!

Plus, I love a good, imaginative metaphor. My brain works the exact same way. 

However, I do think Jenny forgot to mention the most sexy vegetable of all: Asparagus.

Okay, okay. So, you might not be getting visions of Victoria Secret Angels when you look at a bunch of asparagus.  

But, if you saw how it grows you might begin to think more steamy thoughts.

An asparagus shoot emerges from the ground looking like a rounded nosed… hmm… snake.  

The shoot rises from the ground, growing incredibly quickly and… umm … erect.  

In fact, thanks to it’s phallic appearance, asparagus was thought to be an aphrodisiac in Europe during the Renaissance.  Some churches even banned it from their nunneries.

While very sexy in appearance and lore, I think asparagus, just like the other exotic veggies Jenny mentioned, also earns it’s Swavorski crystal bra.

To me, there is nothing more exciting than asparagus because it marks the start of the growing season.  It is the first veggie to pop up in gardens and at farmer’s markets, emerging in early April.  It is the first reminder of all the great things that will soon be coming. And, because of it’s early arrival, it has no competition and steals the show.  

That is, like anything sexy, after a few years of awkward puberty.  

It takes asparagus a few years to hit it’s stride.  

Asparagus grows from perennial “crowns” that look like an octopus and are planted, root side down, 6-12 inches deep in a well weeded garden bed in 18 inch intervals.

If growing it, be sure to keep asparagus in it’s own garden bed that is well mulched as asparagus doesn’t like any competition. Any weeds will prevent the plant from growing well.

Development of a strong root system is important to the overall success of asparagus so in the first few years you also need to cautious with your asparagus harvest.  During the first year it is recommend to only harvest a couple spears from each plant and gradually work your way up throughout the following years.

We planted our asparagus crowns last year and have loved seeing the first shoots pop out of the ground this spring.  Some have grown as tall as Adam’s knee- so far.  But, we have resisted our temptation to give them a try in hopes of having a strong, long growing asparagus patch.  An asparagus plant can be productive for over 20 years! 

While we have not tried our own asparagus, it has been easy to find at local markets and food stands in the last week or so. And, I am sure we will find some more at opening day of our local farmer’s market this weekend.

Adam and I both love the taste of fresh, spring asparagus.

So much, that it is now hard for us to even consider purchasing it any other time of year. In the spring, we eat asparagus just about any way you can; steamed, roasted, in frittata’s, on pizza, mixed into salads, etc., until we are just nearly sick of it.

But, then it’s gone.

Replaced by the runway show of slinky, spicy, voluptuous vegetables throughout the summer and into the fall.

Making us lust for it’s sexy, skimpy season again as winter turns to spring next year.

Here is my go-to, no fuss asparagus side dish. Perfect for a weeknight, yet sexy enough for a weekend.