As we prepare for the rerelease, I was listening to “Every Single Album’s” deep dive into Taylor Swift’s Red. The album is great, obviously. A journey through a break up ending full of ballads and dance bops.
It’s hard for me to play favorites with Taylor’s songs and even her albums. Each has a “mood” and as far as songs go, so many were important to me starting with the illegally leaked, “Tim McGraw,” which I found on Limewire freshman year of college. In “Tim McGraw,” I found so much of me in her lyrics and was instantly brought to her fandom.
So, I am thrilled for her rereleases and her owning her whole discography. I am planning a very cozy listening party with a couple fan-friends in November the weekend Red comes out. In the Red album, I really, really like some of the slower, acoustic versions of the songs like “Treacherous” and “State of Grace.” I feel like “Holy Ground” is an underrated bop. Unpopular opinion: I think “The Moment I Knew” is sadder than “All Too Well.” And, I always loved the title track, “Red.”
Like Taylor, I also think about feelings and people as if they are colors. I have for a long time. What I didn’t realize was that there is a word for this: synesthesia.
My sister, Kerry, and I got to talking about synesthesia and she was 1. fascinated and then, 2. Curious what color she was.
The first time I talked outloud about my ability to read colors it was Kerry’s color. And, it was my first realization that not all people feel colors for people like I do.
I was in college and people would ask about siblings and life at home. There would be conversations with friends about how we differed from our sisters and brother and I recall telling my friends, “Well, Kerry is more a maroon compared to my hot pink.”
Stares.
I went on to explain my feelings: Kerry is smart and a focused athlete. She is traditional in style and demeanor. She is more fall to my summer. She drank coffee and tea. She read long, smart books and had good longtime friends. She liked cool, moody music that would never be on Casey Kasum’s Top 40. She is prep school maroon.
I wanted to be more maroon. But, I was hot pink.
I liked magazines, parties and celebrity gossip. I lived for fashion trends, talking on the phone, reality TV and pop and country music. (See Also: Taylor Swift.) I thought because I liked these things I couldn’t possibly be maroon. Moreover, because these interests of mine were deemed superficial by so many, I felt that meant I couldn’t possibly be smart either.
My hot pink compared to maroon felt cheap, tacky and manic, all real fears of who I might be. So, sometimes I dulled these things even though they were things I loved. They didn’t seem like things a career woman should enjoy. Or, a mom should be into.
As I am growing up and learning so much more about how things are almost always never black and white, I am learning that I am not just hot pink. Liking the seemingly superficial, doesn’t make me “dumb.” In fact, as I look into my interests now and even who I was in college when I made the comment outloud, I on US Weekly’s website or listening to Taylor Swift lyrics, yes. But, I was always digging in so much deeper. I was gaining words and understanding for my relationships and others around me. I was curious to know more. I could take a column about Hillary Duff and Lindsey Lohan and have a seed planted in my mind about body image or even wealth and knew it represented more than just gossip. I could feel something in Taylors figurative language and analyze it in my mind like an AP Lit assignment. (Still can… and do.)
An interest or belief in one thing doesn’t mean just one thing. We all contain multitudes. We should be allowed to explored and show these many sides of us.
Just like how Kerry is still very maroon. But, also a cheery mustard yellow and even some earthy evergreen. As for me, I recently made this piece of art using a palate knife and so many shades of pink– from nearly white to deep maroon– to bring to life the many shades of me.
Interesting…