Just to level with you all, the first sentence of this blog post makes me nervous to put out there. There is so much emotion out there that a part of me knows that this one little sentence may tick someone off. Which sucks, but it’s my blog… so here it goes:
I have felt a little confused through the recent resurgence of feminism.
I love dynamic and powerful women. I root for them. I strive to be one. But, as gender roles go, I will be the first to admit that I do lean quite female. Particularly when it comes to my interests.
I like clothes, maintaining a nice home, gardening and the occasional gossip magazine. I love a good pedicure, dinner out with the girls, low intensity exercise and being a hostess. Babies, fresh cut flowers and crisp bottles of rose make me happy. The Paper Source, Anthropologie, and little off the beaten path boutiques are my jam.
Guess what else I really like to do? Cook.
And, my favorite person to cook for? My husband.
How 1950’s of me. Right?
How anti-feminism. Right?
Cooking… for a man.
But, like it or not, it’s true.
Through all the recent press, hashtags and articles I have felt lost. I even have felt a little bad for liking these things.
This confusion has turned to sadness and then last weekend it became disappointment.
The Audi Super Bowl commercial where the narrator asks “What will I tell my daughter?” struck my heart in a way that I don’t believe the creators had intended.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLvcMj3U4gA
I am all for equality in every sense. I am definitely for equality in the workforce, particularly equal pay.
When and if I am blessed with a daughter I already know what I will tell her: I will tell her she can be and do whatever she wants. She can grow up and change the world. I hope to guide her to have a strong sense of self and to not be dependent on a man.
And, I think by being a working mom and a female farmer, I am setting a good example. I also hope that by being one of the many women redefining motherhood, careers and farming that I am also paving a way for all of our daughters.
But, I have a son.
A wonderful, super-cute nine month old son.
A little boy who has this amazing ability to make anyone happy with his smile. A son who has looked at this world with his bright blue eyes wide open since Day One. Two things I hope he never loses.
… That and his chubby feet, but I will take what I can get.
What about him?
What am I supposed to tell him?
How I am supposed to feel when the world is shouting “The Future is Female!”?
What do I tell him when he sees this?
What does this mean for my son’s future? The future for all boys?
This is so hard for me because as his mom I will tell him is exactly what I would tell a daughter: He can be and do anything he wants. He can grow up and change the world.
… But, I can’t help but wonder, will the world tell him something different?
And, just as I hope to raise independent girls, I will not be raising a helpless man.
My son will do his laundry and will be taught to read tags so he doesn’t ruin anything he owns. He will be expected to pick up after himself. He will know how to sew on a button and run a quick stitch… because 1. That’s really all I can teach him. And, 2. It’s really all you need to know in a bind. Tailors are around for a reason.
My son will also know how to cook. God willing, he will know how to cook well.
Even before kids, Adam and I talked about the importance of getting children into the kitchen. We plan on involving them in the cooking process at an early age. There are so many studies that show that this makes young kids more confident and inclined to eat healthy foods. We have also talked about instilling responsibility, skill and hopefully a little creativity in our children by making them in charge of one meal a week as teenagers.
Cooking is not just for women. It’s not just for grandmas. It’s not just for 1950s housewives.
Cooking is a life skill for everyone.
Cooking and food are great equalizers because we all have to eat. No one is exempt from this.
I am a product of the “You Go Girl” generation which was impactful, lucky and something I have totally embraced. It is also something I don’t want to go anywhere.
But, while we continue to fight for girls, let’s also take a few cues from food.
Let’s not make people feel bad about something that they love.
And, let’s not forget about the boys.
Cooking and Food is gender ambiguous. It is for everyone. And, I love that about food.
I have felt the same thing about our son! What about him? There are so many organizations and clubs now to empower girls but I want to make sure there are plenty of opportunities to teach my little boy to be a man as well.
I agree! This motherhood thing is kind of crazy and messes with you, right?? You are doing a great job with both L&J!
I am the mother of a daughter who is married to a very secure man who loves to cook. He knows how to sew on a button and in fact, made a quilt in college. He played hockey and football in college. He knows how to hunt, fish, garden, build things for his family, and plays a great game of golf. Our daughter and son in law have taught their four sons to cook, clean house, and do the laundry. Each one has their particular talents. They are super achievers in school. They do not feel inferior or insecure because they know how to do what they do and no one makes them feel inferior or insecure.
Food plays an important role in the lives of families in most cultures. As you stated, “Cooking is a life skill for everyone.” Everyone has to eat to survive.
I’m quite a bit older than you are, Clair. We are all individuals who have different talents and purposes in our world. The world may be trying to tell you what they would like you to be. I’ve already been through one feminist movement. I didn’t follow the norm. I did it my way and I succeeded. I say, “Be yourself and do it well.”
You’re on the right track……
My best,
Emily, your daughter and son-in-law sound like a great couple. Cheers for them…and for you.
Thank you, Jim. They are and we are blessed.
You take care.
Emily
Hi Emily! Thanks for the very nice comment and your interesting perspective. I am loving your thoughts and couldn’t agree more. I have been so lucky to be encouraged to be myself all through my life. I hope- and will do my best to ensure- Theo experiences the same. Your daughter and son-in-law sound like a great couple too!
This is your best post by far. Keep blogging.
Now, let me share (again) with you what I’ve learned: the WORLD will seek to corrupt utterly your son/my grandson. And your daughters/my granddaughters, if you have any. By “world” I mean the “system”–the political/economic/power thing that rules the “world.” By “world” I do not mean the planet or the biosphere or the world of humanity struggling to progress and live in peace. These things are blessed and “very good.” (GEN 1). The system is evil. It is greed. It is ruled by the lord of rebellion who plots against the things that would bring out the full, mature expression of what LOVE designed Theo to become. It will do everything to thwart that becoming, in the form of mundane, daily resistance to the flowering of his true potential. You and Adam must fight to give him the awareness of it and mighty spirit to fight and ask for help in fighting resistance every day. Otherwise, my dear one, you leave him at the mercy of the “world.” And the “world” is merciless. I know.
I know.
Audi most certainly does not know. Or if they know they do not care. That comes though in the firm’s cynical commercial appeal to our goodness in the disguise of the “world.”
Love wants your son(s) and daughters to become what they were designed to become–full, flowering, mature expressions of the design the mighty, loving, creative mind that created them had in mind in the beginning . They are sparks of that original creativity–sons and daughters of the original fire, yet not nearly the full, realized expression of what they can become. Nor are you, yet, nor is Adam. Nor am I…
Raise him up, Claire, to recognize the blessedness of the world and the wickedness of the system that would enslave him as nothing more than a mindless consumer of resources, including women, for his own ends (and women as nothing other than the objects of that selfish consumption).
Teach Theo to fight against this. Teach him LOVE.
The Word and the World are separated by one “L.” And it makes one “L” of a difference. And L = Love.
Thanks Jim for your fatherly comments. You and Lauri have taught your children well. And thanks Claire for your blog. You are learning about both the cruelty and unfairness of the world and you are not getting swept away with it. You are also learning about bringing your gifts to the world.I love that you are doing what the Creator endowed you to do and be!!! Pass the loves that you have on and your offspring will be just fine.
Thanks for the super nice comment, Buck! And, thanks for taking the time to read the blog too!
Thanks, Dad. I can’t believe I forgot any mention of love in this post. I have felt like it’s been the thing that is missing the most through the whirlwind of current events. Love!
I think anyone who would shame someone for their personal “take” on feminism doesn’t understand it. There’s no one size fits all anymore; it’s unique to each one of us and there’s room for us all.
Hi Kathryn! I love this perspective. The more I explore feminism, I agree. I feel like the principle is to not bring shame to something that brings another woman joy. Thanks for your comment and insights!
A wise friend told me that feminism is about equality and the right to be able to choose for ourselves, as women, what that looks like. You are a feminist because you believe in equality.
By believing in equality and fighting for it you will ensure you son as equal opportunities to any future daughters. I believe in my heart the women that are fighting at this moment are ultra-pro-woman because they have to be to advance equality. Not as an effort to discount men.
Any man willing to treat women respectfully, accept that keeping a house, raising a family is a job for all people regardless of gender will continue to thrive in the years to come.
From your post I think you will raise excactlu that kind of young man. You can be both a feminist and a mother looking out for the best interests of her son. Keep up the good work.
Hi Anne! Thanks for the very insightful and kind comment. This is so encouraging. It has been fun to connect with you on IG, too!