My mom used to joke that “Everyone needs an Uncle Norm.”
Norm is her younger brother and he always beat to his own drum taking a more “unconventional” track to life than my mom and her sister.
Throughout my childhood Norm was unmarried, with girlfriends here and there. (Literally “here and there.” Some even lived in other countries.) He had well established hobbies like wind surfing and hunting. He traveled a lot and adored his dogs.
We were pretty close with him as young kids. He was at birthday celebrations as August was not just my birthday month, but also my siblings, as well as my cousin and grandfather’s. And, my mom and him are just days apart in the winter. He made an effort to be wherever his parents– my grandparents– and we were for Thanksgiving and Christmas. One Christmas he even posed as Santa, swinging by our house early on Christmas Eve “just because,” easily fooling six year old me and two year old Kerry. We believed Uncle Norm had gone for a “run.”
In the dark.
On Christmas Eve.
Then, the summer I was ten we moved to Columbus, Ohio and so did my mom’s sister’s family. Columbus had been Norm’s home for years and now his sisters– and their big, young families– were only a short drive away.
I wrote about that summer in last week’s piece and how that summer I “graduated” from the kids menu at restaurants. Norm had an influence on this as he got thrust in to the role of babysitter a few times that summer while my parents checked out potential houses. A single guy with three kids under ten? What is a better activity than going for ice cream! We would go to Graeters and Rita’s in Grandview or a funky place called Scream in North Market (that would soon become ice cream icon, Jeni’s) and under Uncle Norm’s watch– and even encouragement– I got to try things beyond a “kids scoop.”
Living in the same town, we still did big get togethers for birthdays and Christmas; but, he also became more of a fixture in everyday moments. He got to know us and what we *really* wanted for Christmas. (Think the stuff a mom would never get… like an overpriced Abercrombie sweater I was lusting.) Norm would make sure it was under the tree. He showed up to sporting events and even for photos before dances. Weeknight dinners at home or casual restaurants were often coordinated. And when I finally received my driver’s license, Norm showed up in his black, two seater Mercedes offering me the keys.
(Just for a drive…!)
That day cruising (a little nervously) up and down Muirfield Drive with my Uncle was special and fun and Norm has since told me it was for him, too.
Looking back on a lot of my life, it feels like Norm has always had a knack for knowing that things don’t last forever. He knows that so much is subject to change and it influences him to make an big effort to create special connections when he has the opportunity. I think that moment in the car he saw me, and all the cousins really, growing up. And, I think without the stress of tangible things “to do” and stress about like our parents were (applications, scholarships, and test scores), Norm saw the true bittersweetness of all of us leaving for college well before it even happened. In the years from 17-22, he established a routine of taking me and my sister on “dates.”
He has since explained his reasoning was such that he knew he wouldn’t get to do it for forever. He knew we were going to leave for college and, he had a hunch that after college, we probably were not going come back. So he carved out the time, made the effort, and in true Uncle Norm fashion… he splashed out.
My trips home in my college years are marked with memories of Uncle Norm Dates. Fancy steak houses and trips to cool, hip places in cool, hip neighborhoods outside of Columbus– or so it felt as suburban princesses like Kerry and I very much were. Of course, our nights almost always ended at Jeni’s (becoming “Jeni’s” in 2005, the year I graduated high school.) Salty Carmel becoming a favorite of Kerry’s, while I was partial to the boozy bite of now discontinued Bourbon Butter Pecan despite being well underage.
All of the Uncle Norm Date Nights were fun… but, I do have a favorite.
It was end of 2007 and 2007 is a year that will go down as one of the bleakest for me. I was moody, angsty, unsatisfied, and unsure. I didn’t love Purdue or what I was studying. But, I was a junior and felt like I couldn’t start over. My relationships were a little shaky as bitter me wasn’t the greatest friend and definitely not a romantic partner. I wasn’t even all that fun to be around… period. Fueling that was that so many of my peers were turning 21, going to bars, and connecting with new friends while I still was twenty… and had a long way to go to join them. I grew a little apathetic, but also was highly emotional. I drank too much, searching for belonging and things to feel “right,” but it was always wrong. That entire year I found myself in situations that were at best, reckless. At worse? Risky. It was never “bad” bad, but it was not good.
Something had to change and I knew it. That winter break halfway through my junior year, I spent a little time with myself. I got a job as seasonal help at the local Macy’s and the quick tasks, small challenges, and boring moments that present themselves in a retail job were good for me. For the first time in a while, I felt like I had a little wind in my sails.
In close proximity to the make up counter and nice accessories, I started to consider more my own style and how I wanted to present and be in the world. I used my discount on nice boots– versus cheap stilettos and cheap going out tops… something I would have done before. I made an effort to set small goals to learn something “grown up” that Winter Break. But, it was silly, little stuff. Like how to really do my makeup. I learned about foundation, skin matching, and care for makeup brushes. I made learning how to apply eyeliner well my New Years resolution because it was the era of Lauren Conrad and her winged liner was goals for us all.
With LC and The Hills as my guiding light to all things grown up and a few small steps made to feel more myself and excited about life again, I decided I wanted to really learn and really try *real* sushi before I went back to school in January.
I let Norm and Kerry know about my desire. Kerry, for better or for worse, always had that younger sister “Anything You Do, I Want To Do Too” eye on me and was game. Norm was too. He knew a place and got it booked.
The night of our date came and Kerry and I likely swapped Forever 21 tunics to pair with leggings and big, long necklaces. I probably curled her hair and showed her the trick for the perfect wing flicked liner (flip the pen around and just press the whole thing against your skin versus attempting to draw a line). Norm came and whisked us off to Grandview into a small sushi restaurant. It was dark and cozy. People at the bar watched the chef’s work the rice in to rolls. We were seated at a table. Norm ordered edamame and sake. He offered me a sip. It was warm and fruity and was not– and is still not– one of my favorite things. He taught us how to eat the edamame beans out of the salty edamame pods and discard them in the empty bowl.
Then, it came time to order and Norm’s lessons really began.
Kerry and I like fish and we did then, too. We just didn’t have huge experience with it. We were a salmon, shrimp, and tilapia kind of family. Norm walked us through the whole menu– placing order with the waiter and explaining in’s and out’s of it all to us.
Tempura: Basically… fried.
Philly: Cream Cheese.
Sashimi: Just raw fish, no rice.
Then, he looked over and asked with a bit of a sly grin, “Do you know what ‘roe’ is?”
We shook our heads. We didn’t.
“Guess,” he encouraged.
We shrugged.
“Fish Eggs!”
So, caviar? I considered, though I am not sure I had even ever had that.
He ordered some so we could try it.
He rattled off a few other rolls to the waiter who took our order to the chefs at the bar while we visited.
When our rolls arrived, it wasn’t just on a plate. Or a platter. But, the many, many rolls were presented to us on a huge wooden boat.
(A stock image visual aid is needed here.)
Kerry and I delighted in this wild, colorful presentation that caught the attention of the other tables around us. It was pretty and impressive.
Norm helped us navigate each roll, explaining what kind of fish we were eating. He showed us how to mix just a little wasabi in with our soy sauce for perfect dipping and explained that the “pink stuff” was pickled ginger designed to clear your palate.
He had us each grab a roll topped with ruby red roe. I put it in my mouth and it popped on my tounge like champagne. I loved it.
I loved it all.
2008’s start was stronger. It wasn’t linear or easy, but a series of little steps, little goals, and continued little learnings and self reflections lead to me stepping out of Junior year as a runner, with better grades, a new job as a lifeguard on campus offering small challenges and tasks, and an excitement about the future, my major, and food.
I came home late in the semester for Norm’s wedding to a great woman Emma. That weekend, I weight my options for summer internships, finally settling on a job southern California. LC still a big influence on that decision, but also watching Norm marry Emma– a woman from England. I wondered what I might find so far from home, too. I will write about California soon, but one thing it’s good for is good and inexpensive sushi. I spent many evenings after work alone, day dreaming a little with a small picnic of rolls from Ralphs in Long Beach or the Whole Foods in Manhattan Beach near work. My boss caught on to my knowledge and interest and took me out for really nice sushi with the rest of the management team on my last day. He shook my hand as the meal wrapped up, wishing an eager me luck as I buzzed with excitement to get back to Purdue for Senior Year.
That Fall would bring the opening of Purdue’s first on campus sushi spot– something I celebrated and shared with friends or just got on my own for a day dreaming picnic by one of the campus fountains. That year would end with me in a much better place with my heart and head and myself.
And, not too long after that, I would bring my new boyfriend, Adam, to the same restaurant Norm took me and Kerry. It was on his first visit to Columbus to meet my parents and see my home. Adam was and still is a man much like Norm– into fishing and hunting. But, also curious about food and restaurants and how to build stronger connections. He knew I loved sushi. So, he asked me teach him about it.
Using everything my uncle taught me, I gave Adam the same experience.
(Though, we didn’t get a full boat. Our college budgets didn’t permit that.)
Still to this day, sushi is one of our favorite things and we love living so close to Purdue with its huge international population because, now, the sushi here is plentiful and actually quite good.
Sushi has become a bit of a tradition for Adam and me the night before Thanksgiving and it is sometimes the quick fix for dinner on nights we are a little tired or, on the flip side, maybe want to celebrate. I have had countless sushi nights in and out with girlfriends. But still, everytime I get it, no matter where and who it’s with, I think about that night with my sister and uncle where I felt a little grown up, a lot loved, and like there was a lot to be excited about and look forward to.
And, there was.
A sushi boat load!
A Note: Life beyond “Uncle Norm Dates” is great. I mentioned that 2008 brought a marriage for Norm to an amazing woman, Emma. Turns out, we are not just so lucky to have not just an Uncle Norm, but an Emma, too!
Truth be told, I have many, many great Aunts and Uncle’s. In so many ways, I am very lucky. But, the foundation that Norm took great effort to lay all those years ago is special and deep. Emma fit right in because she understood it. She has the same skill of making and keeping deep connections and understanding the changes– big and small– that life brings.
They both love Adam (and Kerry’s husband, Dennis) so well. They love our kids like they are their grandkids. (And, spoil them just like Norm did us!) 2022 was hard for so many reasons for all of us– Danny died and Emma fought cancer. Having them near us both physically and just in the knowing we are all supported by each other was so important and vital to taking those every day, small steps to staying on track easier.
And makes this photo taken of us all this summer very special to me.
How lucky and loved we are.
Sushi is hard to make. Adam and I have tried! Instead, you can find me making this riff on the TikTok famous, Emily Mariko Salmon Bowls often.
Salmon Bowls
- 3 to 4 oz. cooked salmon, chilled
- 1 1/2 c. leftover rice
- 1 tbsp. water
- 1 tbsp. soy sauce
- 2 tsp. mayonnaise
- 2 tsp. Sriracha
- 1/2 avocado, sliced
- 1/4 c. cucumber, sliced
- 1/4 c. kimchi
- Scallions, thinly sliced for garnish
- Cooked, shelled edamame
- Toasted sesame seeds, for garnish
- Seaweed snacks, for serving
- In a microwave safe bowl, add the salmon. Using a fork, flake it until it resembles canned fish. Top the salmon with rice, and sprinkle rice with about 1 tablespoon of water.
- Cover bowl with parchment or plastic wrap, and microwave until the rice is fluffy and everything is warmed through, about 2 minutes.
- Remove bowl from the microwave, and discard the parchment/plastic wrap. Add soy sauce, mayonnaise and sriracha. Toss until fully combined.
- Top bowl with avocado, cucumber, kimchi, scallions, and sesame seeds. Serve with seaweed snacks sliced or as a vessel.
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