What I Know: Make Your Own Magic

It’s my birthday week. 

Yes, I am a “birthday week” person.

I am also an extrovert. 

And, an Enneagram 7. The enthusiast. 

And also, a Leo.

So, when it comes to my birthday…? 

I could be a monster.

I am a birthday person, particularly a “my” Birthday person. It is my favorite holiday.

I know, I know. It’s not a “holiday.” But, to me, it is. To me, my birthday is like the good parts of the New Year, Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, and Christmas all rolled into one. 

But, I know it is only this way… to me.

And, the only person I expect to act accordingly is me.

To many, many other people it’s just a day. 

And, here is the thing, as I get older, it could be become the same way to me. I should perhaps be “more mature” or more like a “mother.” After all, there are no days off— even on your birthday for parents. And, I have had thirty five birthday’s already. Another one? Especially one as unnoteworthy as 36? Big whoop.

Instead, the older I get, and the more I have seen young, sudden, unexpected loss giving me all the more reasons that I really want to celebrate another year. It is a gift and worthy of some special recognition.

But, it’s on me.

I cannot—and do not— expect or rely on other people to make my birthday special. I shouldn’t even hope for it from the universe. It’s on me make my own magic.

Kate Kennedy of the Be There In Five podcast, a favorite of mine, used this phrase when she shared her own plans of planning a trip and inviting her friends to celebrate her birthday last year. If they could come, great. If not, no big deal. She is going and celebrating her.

I loved it. It perfectly summed up how I felt, too. If you want something special, make it happen yourself.

For me, on my birthday, it’s not too elaborate. It looks like me making sure there is cake and champagne. It’s connecting to nature and the season through flowers, tomatoes, and an eyes-wide-open walk. There is maybe a good work out, playing some of my favorite music, and a special cup of coffee. There is hopefully some productivity and creativity and rest. Maybe a stop at a book or plant shop, if there is time. (Maybe even the library and the farmers market!) 

If I want something more, I make it known.

Most of the the time I am pretty good on extras because this is so simple and satisfying. Adam and I are pretty good about just not doing gifts. But, if I am lusting something— and it has happened, especially in the Covid birthdays and magic was harder to come by—I tell Adam, I don’t make him read my mind.

Last year, it was a Saturday, and I wanted a bit of a summer party. So, I didn’t look for friends to take me out or open up their home. Instead, I hosted one. I invited new and old friends, telling them it was my birthday; but, it was just their company I wanted, if they were free. Kids were welcome because I love the chaos of noise and sparkle mixing together as dress up costumes are donned and babies are passed over the table. Together, Adam and I did the cooking. It was perfect and it was so fun! (Even though Koda, our dog, licked one half the cake on a counter surfing adventure when no one was looking. We still ate the other half— it was fine. Magic, even.)

I do this magic making of my own at Christmas, too. 

As a parent, the month of December can be a blur of To-Do’s and I can also get a little blue during the Christmas season, hyper aware of the passage of time and feeling like it’s lost its magic in adulthood. So to remind myself of that magic and to be very present in the season, I block a day in December for me. I get a Peppermint Mocha (more on these another day…) from Starbucks, head to Trader Joe’s and World Market for all things seasonal, and also go to the mall. Even if I don’t have to buy anything, I go because I enjoy the hustle of a mall in December. I love the windows and decor and the overall festive vibes. To me it’s like living in one of my favorite Christmas songs: Silver Bells.

Also part of the magic I make on these days, and perhaps it’s the most important piece of the puzzle, is just a mental touch base with me. No one else can do this for me. To me, it’s such a special connection with my heart and my soul. The tangible reminders of the things I love are great, but this mental practice is also the reminder that I am alive. There is a little taking stock of the year and the one to come and also just a celebration. That is what really makes these days feel “out of the ordinary” and a little bit like magic.

There is a piece of this magic that I try to sprinkle into many of my days. Not all days, because life is lifey and busy and it’s not always rainbows. But, knowing what makes your soul sparkle— even just the littlest of things and finding time for those things in your ordinary days does help to make things a little more magic.

Know this is not a message of putting on your oxygen mask first.

Nor is it a message of the importance of self care.

Not that I don’t think both are not important. You should care for you and I see no awards for being a martyr. These are key to surviving. 

Making your own magic is about thriving. 

It’s not just staying alive; but, the reminder that you are. 

And, it’s kind of great.

To Get Started: 

The Happiness Project was one of the first books I checked out from the library after my mom’s advice to visit the library in 2011. It was in that unemployed, newlywed, in the country season that it became very clear that my happiness was an inside job. It wasn’t the responsibility of Adam, my career, or my address. It was on me. The title drew me in and I reread my now owned copy every couple years.

The Happiness Project helps you consider what you love, even just like, and what makes you happy. What does your “magic” look like? It also breaks down things like the “arrival fallacy” or the idea is that happiness can only happen when you have done or accomplished or receive XYZ. I found that it helps me reflect, stop and smell the roses, and to remember to make room for the little things that make me feel alive (and so very glad to be). 

The exercise of knowing the things that make me happy and that happiness is something worthy, has also served me well as a tool in my tool belt for when life does get sad and hard. The final line of the book includes the line “the ruby slippers had been on my feet all along.” Tap them and make some magic in the mundane.

I also mentioned that this is not self care. Again, it’s not. It is something else entirely. Though, marketing will tell you otherwise, know that a bubble bath and glass of wine isn’t self care. It is making your own magic though— which is worthy, but not a fill in for real self care. 

There are many great conversations debunking “self care,” the commercialization of it, and what actually is “self care.” Real Self Care discusses the need for self reflection and understanding of systems like workplaces, racism, and patriarchy for real self care. The Gospel of Wellness is also a smart read linking how so many of us are trying to hack health and happiness in an effort to feel in control.

And, to get some ideas flowing:

I was with my parents this weekend and asked what they do to “make their own magic.”

My dad loves to take a drive. Even if it’s for an errand, he likes to get into his Thunderbird and turn on the music and just go.

My mom’s answer came quickly to both her and my dad: She loves a bath. She also talked about going to a craft fair a couple weekends before and how seeking out those kind of things are little delights. And, she too is a fan of a plant shop and a good cup of coffee.

All three of us agreed that taking a moment of self reflection is a great reminder of all the magic that is there and helps in moving forward to keep seeking it out and spreading it throughout your everyday.

Coffee+Crumbs also used to have a segment on their podcast called “Little Luxuries.” It was when the hosts and guests shared little joys and moments of magic. Some things could be bought, others couldn’t. Think of you own “little luxuries” and the ideas of how you can make magic in your days will come.

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