The other week, I caught up quickly with friend. She is by no means one of my best friends and much of our friendship has been situational. But, none the less, I enjoy her and catching up. We got to talking about a mutual friend who we all would love to see happy in a relationship because we know that that is what he would want too. But, for whatever reason, it never seems to work out.
“I don’t know. It just seems like he is getting pickier and pickier,” she lamented, quickly adding, “Don’t get me wrong! Being picky is good. But, it’s about the littlest things. It’s like he is looking for this ‘ideal’ and that is not love.”
I nodded, knowing exactly what she was saying.
There was a night in 2009 when Adam and I were just dating. Said the “I love you’s” recently and made it official. I was so happy.
Then, one night before a party, Adam was running behind from a meeting for the university’s biggest spring event where he served as president of the board. Even though he had a busy evening, he invited me and my friends over for some pre-party drinks with his roommates. He ran off to take a shower and get ready, emerging from his closet in a striped shirt and madras shorts.
“Oh my gosh! Claire- you CAN’T go out with him in that!” one of my friends snickered.
“Claire. You have to do something. You have to fix that,” another friend pressed.
In their defense. The outfit was… a little loud.
But, he looked so happy to be ready to have a fun night during a time when he was busy with the upcoming event. I was too. And, I really do think he felt and thought he looked good. I was not about to shame him for this by saying I wouldn’t go out with him because of his clothes.
Their concerns got more vocal and he overheard. It hurt me to see him embarrassed. He went and changed in to a white shirt and rejoined us. I apologized for my friends, told him he looked great and he loved me through it.
It’s light; but, it’s in something like that in the early days that either of us could have written each other off.
Adam could have said, “Screw her and her catty friends.”
I could have thought, “Oh my gosh. He hasn’t got a clue how to dress himself.”
But, we didn’t because we knew that the kind of relationship we wanted would have to allow for imperfection because we are two oh-so imperfect people.
Adam is trustworthy. A hard worker. Kind. Loyal. Smart. An amazing friend. But, he also can get a little moody and stubborn. (And, as previously illustrated, tends to not be the best for fashion advice.)
For all the characteristics that I love about Adam, I have to love the not-so favorable ones too because they are ALL the characteristics that make up the man I love.
We have different views and disagreements on everything from talking about politics to what time Theo should go to bed. But, it doesn’t change our love for each other or make our relationship any less special.
In fact, it perhaps makes it that much more special.
Really loving someone requires compromise, conversation and allowing for imperfection.
In a real relationship you will get frustrated, life will get hard, you will say things you don’t mean that hurt each other, you will even sometimes see the worst in each other. But, you have to and will love each other through that.
Like Adam, I am so limited.
Which is I am so glad Adam is made the way he is. All of him.
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